Why are you staring at me?

bianca

What are these people doing on the other side? Why are they staring at me? Why are they laughing at me? Such ugly faces. They look familiar to me. Yes, I know them, but I can’t remember. They point at me. They laugh, they whisper. I rest with my backs to the wall. I gasp for air, my pulse races. I can hear my loud heartbeat. Maybe that’s the reason they laugh. Is my heart beating too loud? Am I breathing too loud? I see black strands of hair on the floor and attack startled at my head. My hair, they are short. I notice the gap in my hands. Why and when did I cut my hair off? The gap falls in slow motion on the floor. I see it falling through the floor. Gone. Please floor, get open and devour me. Please! Now! I’m going through my short hair with both hands. It’s uneven and fuzzy cut. There is a bald spot on the back of the head. Now it dawns on me. That’s why they are laughing. I must look ridiculous; embarrassing. Their laughter gets louder. I put my hands over my ears, but I can still hear them. Something pushes me against the wall. There is a shadow coming at me. The crowd is waiting anxiously. The shadow is large and threatening. It is coming closer, getting bigger and bigger. I’m trying to detect. Yes, I see now. It is a stone. No, more a large rock. How can something so heavy move just as easily?  So fast. I am freezing, can not evade. I have no control over my body. My legs do not run. I will stay right her and wait. I’m waiting for the inevitable. Right here. Here. „Please help me! Help me! Why are you just staring at me? What have I done to you? Am I such a bad person? What have I done? What did I do wrong? I make it up to you. I promise.

But please, “stop it.“ It is getting colder. The group is till laughing at me. Still, they show on me. The rock is getting threatening. I can feel his cold. I know how strong he is. I know what he wants. It’s my fault. I feel the cold breath of death. Why am I afraid? That’s what I want. That was always my desire. Everyone waits for the shadow-rock to smash me. He is right in front of me. Cold. I’m freezing. I’m japing for air, but not even she stayed with me. My chest hurts, my lungs burning. This pain … I can’t stand. „Let go, give yourself to me. I promise, it won’t hurt. I’m not going to hurt you. I promise you, you won’t feel a thing. You just have to admit it. Leave it to.“ I hear even the last loud noise. The noisy crowd is silent. I sink to the ground and he keeps his promise. I feel no pain. I feel so easy. Everything is so clear now.

Thank you.

 

Please forgive my grammatical errors. It was translated by my own.

 


					
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